Daily Living Blog

Ruthie’s Lime-Green Polka Dot Socks

Submitted by Vicky Vaughan

It was only about 36 degrees when we pulled out of the driveway to head to Overland Park, Kansas for church Sunday morning. We serve as pastors at an assisted living/Alzheimer care facility where those who, for whatever reason, are no longer able to attend their own churches. The beautiful sunlit thirty minute drive was just a foretaste of the joyous time we were to experience with our folks yesterday during our little one-hour service.

After we arrived, fifteen of our beloved senior friends made their way into the multi-purpose room of the facility, each one finding a place to sit in the circle and we were thrilled to see them all. Everywhere I looked, there were wheelchairs, walkers or canes. More importantly, though, there were human beings. God’s children.

I have many stories to tell about them all, for they are all very dear to my heart. But today I want to tell you about one in particular. Her name is Ruthie. (Her name has been changed in this article to protect her true identity.)

I was especially pleased to see our dear Ruthie show up for church, as she is not always able to be there. A staff member has to bring her because she lives on the ‘locked’ side of the facility, where the residents with memory care issues reside. Ruthie loves church and really hates to miss it. She doesn’t talk much, but when she does, she is very clear.

The very first conversation we had was pretty much a single sentence from her. She walked right up to me and said, in a very matter-of-fact tone, “You have pretty hair.” End of conversation. She turned and went to find a place to sit. Wow. I didn’t know enough about her to know if she COULD talk back then. In that moment, I learned not to underestimate or prejudge the abilities or awareness of an elderly person for any reason.

One of the things I love about Ruthie is the way she dresses. She is very particular about her appearance, always making sure that everything she is wearing is color coordinated. Two weeks ago, her color of choice was green. From head to toe, Ruthie was covered in green. Clothes, shoes, jewelry – everything was green – clear down to her lime green polka-dot socks. Brilliantly green. Ruthie was beautiful and she was wearing the sermon on her feet. Yes, the lime green polka-dot socks spoke to everyone in the room and became the lesson of love from Jesus’ heart that day.

Just looking at the socks made us all smile. We sang a hymn and I danced with Ruthie while we all sang. Ruthie loves to dance. I wondered what else she loves to do. I challenged everyone to remember those socks whenever they felt discouraged. We all wondered if Ruthie would be able to attend the next service, too. I was very curious to see what she would have on her feet if she did!

Once again, Ruthie blessed us with her fashion sense yesterday. Her color of choice was pink. Head to toe. Glancing down at her feet, I was so pleased to see the pretty pink socks with the rainbows and clouds on them. Two of the women decided they are definitely going shopping to find some outrageously colorful socks to wear. Ruthie’s bold taste was an inspiration to them. Everyone loved the socks. And I loved the opportunity to be able to encourage them once again in a way that they may be able to remember. By the end of the service, everyone was more cheerful and encouraged. It’s amazing what God can do with a pair of socks!

We talked about Jesus and how much He loves us. We talked about how our bodies begin to betray us as we grow older and oftentimes our minds do, too. We talked about how we learn something new every day, even if it’s just how to take a new medicine or an interesting fact about the life of a friend. We talked about how we might forget the things we’ve learned because of things like dementia or Alzheimer’s, but Jesus never forgets that we learned them and He takes care of us when we are not able to take care of ourselves.

Many times, we have talked about how we’re all just a bunch of kids inside of wrinkly old bodies that don’t work like they used to work and how we’re always shocked when we look in the mirror and see an old person staring back at us! We laughed, knowing that sometimes younger people just don’t get it, just like we didn’t get it when we were their ages, either, and we were sobered by the awareness that one day they will be the ‘crazy old people’ that the next generation will not understand.

We talked about remembering that the Lord still has purpose for their lives on this earth, or He would have taken them home by now. We talked about the importance of becoming like little children again and we read the verses about Jesus and the children that the disciples wanted Him to send away. Our services are simple. And the Lord is always present with us.

We’ve been going to this particular facility for the last five years, holding Sunday services with them and occasionally officiating or performing at a funeral for one who has ‘graduated’ to heaven. Only two of the seniors from our original little ‘congregation’ remain. Ruthie is one of them. Many have come and gone, for one reason or another. Some have moved to other facilities or into the homes of family members. I wonder about them all.

I’ve sat with some of them as they cried, feeling totally abandoned and unloved by their own families. My heart breaks for those who don’t understand why they are there and why they can’t go home. Who are these people and what were their lives like before they became ‘old’? How does it feel to find yourself in a place where you’re not related to anyone, including the people who are taking care of you?

I wonder about the wisdom that our generations are missing because we have chosen to forget about the elderly because of their ages. That seems insane to me now, although it probably didn’t seem insane when I was young and full of myself and my own ‘wisdom’. I was like so many others – I didn’t have time for them!

I’ve seen and learned many things. I know that my knowledge is still so limited where these folks and their lives are concerned. And as I watch the decline in the physical and/or mental health of some of them – changes that sometimes seem to occur almost over the course of a few days – I am encouraged and humbled by their quiet strength, their seemingly limitless determination to face head-on the trials of old age that are a constant assault against their minds and bodies – many times without the comfort of even one family member to turn to nearby. And I stand in wonder at the God who, in His infinite wisdom, chooses to let them live. They have purpose. They have great worth in His eyes. And those are the eyes that matter.

We have tremendous opportunities before us; opportunities to allow change within us to propel us forward into greater blessings…blessings of the joys that come as we honor those who have lived much longer than we have lived.

Blessings that come as we embrace those who may just know a lot more about life than we do – as we watch and learn from their lives, their hopes and dreams and the lessons they learned along the way. Blessings that come, as we step outside of ourselves and our very busy and hurrying world and fall into step with our parents, grandparents, elderly neighbors and friends for this season in their lives. Blessings that come to them and to us as we listen to their stories, loving each one with our undivided attention.

Many of our senior citizens are very lonely. Extremely lonely. Many of them want someone to talk to, someone to listen to, someone to give them a hug and a kind word. I wrote this article to give the readers a tiny glimpse into the world of the elderly. It is truly a very tiny glimpse, I know. But if it inspires you to consider this season of the year as a reflection of what your own life may be like in the not-too-distant future, then perhaps it will also inspire you to do something about those who already find themselves there.

I truly believe that one of the greatest blessings we will ever find in life comes from being a servant to others. It’s an honor to be able to serve our elderly human family members, whether we are related to them physically or not. So whether you choose to get involved through a nursing home, an assisted living facility or with the senior citizens in your family or neighborhood, please just get involved. Be a friend and be a student.

Do it for them. You’ll be amazed by the changes that you experience as you give more of yourself away for the life of someone else. Will you please join us? Right now there’s a ‘Ruthie’ for you out there, somewhere. Sitting in her little room wearing her lime-green polka dot socks, just waiting.

Vicky
http://vickyvmusic.blogspot.com

Caregiver Insight

By Laurel Litle Clark

Much of our healthcare reform is focused on direct care and insurance, and little is said about the home caregivers. Personally, I’ve not thought much about them. I recently had the opportunity to spend a week helping my 37 year old sister and her family, though, and I didn’t know how hard it could be.

My sister had been placed on bed rest 10 weeks prior to my visit due to pregnancy complications. She had possibly 21 more weeks to go if her pregnancy went to full term. Our father had flown out to help two months before I came, and I was going to give him a week’s break from assisting my sister’s husband with her care, and from watching their four-year-old son.

Before I came, we had already been trolling the Internet in search of solutions for bed rest, where she was required to lie down most of the time. We researched bedside tables, shower chairs, cups with straws, pillows for support… all minor things, but major for her comfort.

Since I had the luxury of working for a home medical equipment company, I had a vast resource at my disposal. Even so, frustration was high. Bedside tables were the wrong size and style for her bed, which was not on a frame. Her 1950s cottage was too small to store the shower chair easily when not in use. Precariously balanced meal dishes or the eternal bedside glass of water she was to drink were prime spilling targets for a very active four-year-old boy. Non-essential equipment, from the cheapest straws to the expensive mattress cover, was not covered by her military insurance, and added up quickly in costs for her temporary medical situation. And the hours of research were exhausting for everyone. We marveled at all the information available, and cried at the task of sorting through everything.

When I arrived, I found my sister’s husband working hard, caring for a child and bed-ridden wife on a special diet. Every meal and snack was meticulously planned and timed, with carbohydrates and proteins calculated for her newly diagnosed diabetes. Their son became ill the week I was there and we lost sleep. Non-crucial housekeeping chores were all but shoved aside at times. Every day seemed to bring a new situation with choices to be made, and the mental energy requirements took their toll.
I left exactly one week after I arrived, able to return to my own everyday healthy child care giving. But what about my sister’s husband, who was barely able to go to work, let alone get some much-needed relief from caring for those he loves? What about my 74-year-old father who was dealing with a newly diagnosed case of cellulitis and was to prop up his foot for several days while he also assisted with care giving? What about those who have a husband or wife debilitated by stroke, with little hope of a positive ending in 21 weeks as my sister was likely to have?

The struggle left an impression on me. Caregivers need trustworthy resources in which to turn during a healthcare situation. When crisis hits, sifting through the mountains of information seems almost impossible, especially when it comes to actual health advice, not just equipment. And caregivers are basically an after-thought for many in the healthcare industry. Finding an online support group for those caring for someone on temporary bed rest was next to impossible. Finding the time to even get online was a challenge as well.

I’ll be honest here: I have no solutions. What I have is a fresh understanding for those who tend to the needs of others on a round-the-clock basis. Depression can set in quickly, and support of some kind is necessary for most of us facing a crisis with a loved one, whether as the primary caregiver or as a family member or friend. If we aren’t the primary caregiver, perhaps we can support someone who is, and offer some respite from the daily grind. Bring food. Offer to spell the caregiver, even if it’s only for an hour. Go grocery shopping. Offer to price medical equipment or gather some information online. Or, more simply, maybe make a supportive call — and listen.

Our country is poised to change its healthcare system, and much of the debate centers on things like universal coverage, co-pays, out-of-network doctors, and so on. But with this latest week of care giving under my belt, I’d humbly say thanks to those who do it professionally, and here’s hoping there is something in all of the reform for you.

Seeing Past The Limits – Vicky Vaughan Is Touching Seniors’ Lives Through Song

The first time I met her, she saw something in me that no one had seen that particular night. It was at a non-profit event I’d planned. She and her husband came to show their support and learn more about the organization we were promoting. It had been an exhausting yet exhilarating evening for me. She approached and softly spoke amazing words of hope and encouragement at a moment when I so desperately needed them. That was the first time I’d ever met her.

Her name is Vicky Vaughan, a remarkable singer, performer, speaker, writer and woman of faith.

The first time I heard Vicky perform in front of an audience was at another non-profit event. She was the entertainer for the non-profit’s fundraising event. A most amazing thing happened that night. Vicky observed profound things about her audience and with that she met each of us where we sat, all the while raising awareness for the needs of the organization. She captured each of us with her understanding, with her music, her wit and her compassion. She touched the heart of each attendee, providing encouragement and hope individually and corporately and she raised a lot of money for a great cause.

Her passion is carried over to all aspects of her life. Her accomplishments are vast and diverse. Vicky started singing at a young age. She comes from a long line of gifted musicians, artists and singers. She is personally and professionally dedicated to changing every life in which she comes into contact. She and her husband, Alan Tweedie, tirelessly give of themselves. They work full time with Vicky’s busy music schedule as well as their own ministry, Freedom in Jesus Christ Charitable Trust (FIJC).

Vicky has recorded three of her own albums, collaborated with her family on two additional albums and has been featured on other musical projects. She is a published author and poet. Through FIJC, Vicky and Alan are the chaplains at two area retirement and assisted living/Alzheimer care facilities. They also weekly drive throughout Missouri and Kansas to sing at various Senior Care Facilities. They manage FIJC and support numerous non-profits that promote freedom from oppression, prison, homelessness, poverty and despair as well as offering encouragement to all ages and circumstances.

I recently sat down with Vicky and Alan to discuss their passion for serving and particularly their dedication to the aging community.

Vicky, how did you get started in music? Music has always been a huge part of my life. My whole family is loaded with gifts of music and art.

What have you found to be the most rewarding part of music & performing? Knowing that I am doing what God gave me to do. That’s the most rewarding part of all of it. And did I mention that I love to do it, too?

Vicky, what started this passion for the aging community/elderly? I got a phone call from a man who used to do some booking for me about 5 years ago. He told me he’d received a call from one of the retirement facilities in the area and they were looking for someone to hold church services on Sunday mornings. Alan and I discussed it and I agreed to take it. Alan has always been very supportive of the music and ministry in my life. We started out with one little assisted living/alzheimer’s care facility in Kansas and it’s just continued to grow in ways I never dreamed.

I know Alan has said that you are totally at home on stage, what is it like when you perform for a senior community? I’m aware of how precious it is to be able to be in their lives even in small ways and how important it is that every moment we have with them has to be filled with love, fully expressed and freely given. When I’m in front of an elderly group, it’s as if every fiber of my being kicks in and suddenly I’m hilarious. Well, I have to say that’s true when I’m on stage anyway, unless that’s not what the moment calls for, as every situation is different and will affect how I perform, speak or minister.

What is the hardest part of your time with the aging audience? Over the last five years, I’ve officiated at the funerals of three of our elderly folks and sung at two others’ funerals. One of the most difficult things they have to deal with in senior communities is seeing people around them dying. They make and lose friends on a regular basis.

Is it more difficult performing for seniors with Alzheimer’s? Every audience is unique, every performance has a different perspective and purpose. What about the elderly living on their own with extremely limited income and oftentimes no one to care for them. Is that more difficult than seeing the person with Alzheimer’s whose family can no longer care for them, struggling to try to escape the facility in which they now find themselves…lost and begging everyone to take them home? Watching people suffer, listening to them as they mourn the loss of a loved one and wonder why they didn’t die, too; these are some of the most difficult situations to deal with. Seeing the fear and confusion that comes with any form of dementia as it takes its toll is sad. Very sad. And then there’s the anger many of them experience – born many times out of fear – that something is wrong without really knowing what it is and how to fix it.

Alan, what do you and Vicky hope to bring to the aging community through song and ministry? Many seniors carry wounded hearts and have a sense of abandonment. Many feel useless. They are not useless and they can minister to each other and encourage each other. At times they need to confess those hard things from their past and need to learn how to let go and give those things to our Lord Jesus Christ. Their needs are no different than those of anyone else.

And you are both Chaplains? We don’t call ourselves chaplains…maybe we are chaplains and we just don’t know it. I think we’re more like their younger brother and younger sister to them, coming alongside them with love, encouragement, hope, music, humor, counsel, scripture, testimonies and whatever else the Lord gives them through us. Yes, we hold church services and many of them consider us their pastors.

What is the most rewarding and the most heart breaking aspect of being a chaplain? Years ago, I was intimidated by the elderly – thinking they surely knew God better and considered me incapable of having anything of real value to offer, especially wisdom or knowledge. But I’ve discovered a well-kept secret in the senior community…I’ve learned that our elderly are just kids in wrinkly old bodies which don’t work as well as they used to. On the inside, they are young. I found this out one day when I jokingly said this very thing to a bunch of them – they LAUGHED and nodded their little gray and balding heads like crazy! They don’t feel old on the inside. They are shocked at how quickly the years have gone by and how slowly time seems to move for some of them in their old age – primarily because they have lost loved ones and because their bodies don’t function the ways they used to. I’ve learned that many of them have a great deal of wisdom. They’ve learned patience and so many of them know how to extend grace to others. Many have learned how to keep their suffering to themselves. Some are at peace with where they are in their journey through life. Regardless of their circumstances, every one of them needs to be loved. I can’t express the joy I have in seeing the smiles on their faces when we’re with them or the appreciation they express when I ask them for hugs. There aren’t any words to convey their expressions of gratitude for our willingness to be with them. It’s a pleasure to serve them with music and humor, hugs, love, encouragement and everything else I can. They are beautiful people and often courageous people who deserve our honor and respect.

Beyond the aging community – what is the broader focus of your ministry? Good question. Our ultimate goal is to use the gifts and talents God has given us to touch as many lives for Jesus Christ as we possibly can. We don’t care what the setting is…church, the streets, prisons, jails, schools, corporations, banks, grocery stores, hospitals, coffee houses, missions, retirement communities or the house down the street. He gave Himself freely for and to us. We’re just paying it forward – because He’s far more amazing and more beautiful than either one of us could possibly imagine or explain.

Vicky and Alan have opened their hearts, lives and ministry to all ages. Their devotion and commitment to those living in nursing home care whether it be Retirement Communities, Independent Living, Assisted Living, or Skilled Nursing is inspiring. They truly do personify Limitless Living in their daily lives as well as their professional pursuits. As a result of their work and passion, Homecare Suppliers, LLC has enlisted Vicky’s talent and support with our community awareness campaign. To wrap up our campaign in 2009 – we have been planning a free community concert that will further increase aging awareness and will exemplify Limitless Living. Vicky has graciously agreed to be our headlining performer.

Please check out Vicky, and her upcoming schedule at www.vickyv.com as well as Freedom In Jesus Christ Charitable Trust. Both Vicky and Alan are remarkable people. Vicky is a talented performer and I guarantee – she will see something in you, she will touch your heart through song and word, and you will know that life is possible – Living Unlimited!

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